


ROVANIEMI

by rachelvanbora



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelvanbora/pseuds/rachelvanbora
Summary: MJN is flying a group of nine cross-over Santas to an end-of-the-year party in Rovaniemi. Carolyn books a budget accommodation for her crew, Herc books a surprise for Carolyn. New Year´s Eve and lots of fluff.
Relationships: Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Herc Shipwright, Martin Crieff/Theresa of Liechtenstein
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	ROVANIEMI

**Author's Note:**

  * For [timeladyleo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyleo/gifts).



> Fandot Secret Santa 2019. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, SirCarolyn!

_(flight deck)_

Martin: And how´s life for Santa´s Little Helper?

Douglas: Good one.

Arthur: Hi chaps, what are we playing?

Douglas: Things not to say to your mum today.

Arthur: Chaps, this is the best flight ever!

Douglas: A point for Arthur.

Arthur: Nine Santas aboard and we´re flying to Rovaniemi! And they all dressed so differently!

Douglas: Yes, a group of very dedicated and rather confused cosplayers, by the looks of it.

Carolyn: _(enters the flight deck)_ Drivers. How long till we land?

Martin: 75 minutes.

Carolyn: To think I used to complain about stag-dos.

Douglas: Oh, to be that young and foolish again.

Carolyn: Shut up, Douglas.

Douglas: And a point for Douglas.

Martin: Carolyn, is there anything we can do?

Carolyn: No, I got it under control. The Witcher-Santa took about an hour to get through the metal detector, but we´re well on our way and the Asriel-Santa did, in the end, agree to pay full fare for his stuffed animal.

Arthur: I wish he would let me play with Stelmaria. It´ s the biggest plushie I´ve ever seen.

Douglas: You can´t touch other people´s daemons.

Martin: Did your daughters made you watch His Dark Materials, or was it the other way around?

Douglas: Just because it´s on telly, it doesn´t mean it´s not a genuine classic.

Carolyn: Speaking of classics, the Falstaff-Santa just asked me to sit on his knee.

Douglas: So we need to dispose of a body.

Carolyn: Not really, the Witcher-Santa took care of him.

Douglas: We need to dispose of a body that´s been cut and quartered?

Martin: What´s a Witcher?

Carolyn: Geralt, the Witcher. A superfast mutant, created to slay beast of all kinds. Essentially, a medieval take on the worn superhero trope.

Douglas: Or, to hear my daughters describe it, a guy who´s hotter than all the Chrises put together.

Martin: Which Chrises?

Douglas: Oh, don´t make me recite the cast of the Avengers.

Carolyn: I see you had quite an educational festive season.

Douglas: Very much so. The girls binge-watched, I kept making popcorn. What about yours?

Carolyn: I now know what a Witcher is. Must I elaborate?

Douglas: Arthur, I wouldn´t have guessed you were a Witcher fan.

Carolyn: Not Arthur. Herc. Who had some surprisingly warm words also for the Witcher videogame. Would you believe these things develop reflexes, spatial reasoning and problem-solving?

Douglas: Not for a minute.

Martin: _(taking notes)_ What´s the game called again?

Douglas: What about your holidays, Martin?

Martin: Rather good, actually.

Carolyn: Even princely?

Martin: Well, all I can say Arthur would need an awful lot of socks to make himself at home in the Vaduz castle.

Arthur: Oh, Skip, that must have been brilliant.

Douglas: Is that a new watch?

Martin: Yes, it is. Theresa insisted we exchange our Patek Philippes.

Carolyn: She gave you a real one for the one with the Simpsons theme? The “genuine“ you bought in Hong-Kong?

Arthur: So what tune does the new one play?

Martin: No tune.

Arthur: Ah, Skipper.

Martin: She said that wearing a real Patek Philippe made her feel like a princess. And that wearing mine made her happy. _(a beat)_ There´s nothing funny about that, Douglas.

Douglas: That was a fond smile.

Martin: You could have fooled me.

Douglas: I was thinking about my girls. The older would go “awww“, the younger would make a very convincing retching sound.

Arthur: Like this? _(an enthusiastic imitation)_

Douglas: Just like that, but that´s not what we´re playing right now.

Carolyn: She´s certainly an ideal girlfriend for a young man with cash-flow problems. 

Martin: I also got her three hours on a fully certified professional flight simulator.

Carolyn: Really? That can be quite expensive.

Martin: Left-overs from my fidelity scheme.

Douglas: I´ve never heard of a certified flight sim with a fidelity scheme.

Martin: The instructor said I was a trail-blazer... And that it would make my frequent returns less embarassing. Anyway, Theresa really enjoyed it.

Iron-Man Santa: _(opens the flight-deck door, a bit unsteadily)_ Could you guys patch some AC/DC through the PA? I´m loosing my mojo here.

Douglas: Patch it through your arc-reactor.

Iron-Man Santa: Right. Cool idea, man. _(returns to the cabin)_

Martin: Was it really wise to serve drinks on this flight, Carolyn? Nine faithfully costumed Santas from competing fandoms flying to Rovaniemi for an end-of-the-year-party, plus booze, what could possibly go right?

Carolyn: Don´t fret, we´re almost there.

Witcher-Santa: _(opens the flight-deck door, emits a guttural growl)_

Carolyn: Yes, Geralt?

Witcher-Santa: There´s vomit in the isle.

Carolyn: Any casualties?

Witcher-Santa: Not yet.

Carolyn: Arthur´s on it.

_(An hour later)_

Arthur: Good-bye, Iron-man Santa. Brilliant, the suit´s glowing now. Thank you for flying MJN Air.

Iron-man Santa: Thanks for the spare batteries, Arthur.

Arthur: Good-bye, Lord Asriel. Thank you for flying MJN Air. Did Stelmaria enjoy the flight? Good-bye Bucky. You can retrieve your arm with your baggage. Good-bye Jack.

Falstaff-Santa: Come on, you rogue, one last cup of sack. Is there no virtue extant?

Witcher-Santa: _(menacingly)_ Hmmm.

Falstaff-Santa: Forget it, I´m fine.

Arthur: Thank you for flying MJN Air. Good-bye Naruto-Santa. Did you enjoy your ramen?

Naruto-Santa: _(fiddles quickly with his smart phone)_ Taihen oishikattadesu.

Arthur: And a Happy New Year to you too. Thank you for flying MJN Air, Mr. Frodo.

Frodo-Santa: Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.

Arthur: And omentielvo to you. Sayonara Koro-sensei. Don´t worry, if we find a tentacle, we´ll mail it to your billing address. That´s it, mum.

Carolyn: Thank goodness. Let´s get moving.

Witcher-Santa: _(low guttural sound)_

Carolyn: I told you Geralt, your swords, silver-studded leather pads and other adult-movie items are in your checked baggage.

Witcher-Santa: The Sword of Destiny set me back 999, 99 €. _(leaves with the other Santas)_

Carolyn: I really have to re-evaluate our pricing policy for cosplayers.

_(in front of the aiport terminal)_

Herc: Carolyn. A concert in the Korundi Centre or watching the Northern Lights while ice-floating?

Carolyn: Herc. What you´re doing here?

Herc: Spoiling my queen. As she so richly deserves. Shall we Calanthé?

Arthur: What is ice-floating?

Martin: Who is Calanthé?

Douglas: And what have you booked for us, oh traitorous queen?

Carolyn: Get ready for a treat.

Martin: We´re doomed.

Carolyn: A place with lots of character.

Douglas: Dear God, don´t let it be a dog kennel.

Carolyn: Don´t be ridiculous. Charming little hostel adjacent to one of Rovaniemi´s chief tourist attractions-

Martin: -really?

Douglas: Just how naïve can you be, Martin?

Carolyn: - a husky breeding facility.

Douglas: You´re really going to do this to the man who´s first shown you the Northern Lights?

Herc: You´ve already seen the Northern Lights?

Carolyn: Yes, on the day I had a major row with my estranged sister and was presented a fishcake with 20 cigarettes stuck into it.

Herc: That might be hard to top. But wait until you see our lodge. And the pond.

Carolyn: Hercules. I could, grudgingly, trust your taste in accommodation, but what what´s up with the ice immersion thing? It sounds like you want to harvest my organs.

_(the next day, flight-deck)_

Dougals: So how was it?

Carolyn: Stuffed into a wetsuit, floating in a frozen pond in the middle of nowhere, watching coloured lights streaking across the night sky? Surprisingly bearable.

Herc: She loved every minute of it.

Carolyn: The hot chocolate afterwards was really nice.

Herc: I brought some quality stuff from Belgium. All in all, a nice relaxing night. Though I hear you guys painted the town red.

Carolyn: I really appreciate you jumping in for Martin today, Herc.

Douglas: Yes, very sporting and completely unnecessary of you, Herc.

Herc: Well, Martin´s not fit to fly and I´ve always loved driving antiques.

Carolyn: Poor boy. I can´t believe you let them play out all night, Douglas.

Douglas: I won´t dignify that with an answer.

Herc: Just what exactly happened?

Douglas: The huskies, being huskies, kept howling all evening. Arthur, being Arthur, decided they needed company. And it worked, to be fair.

Carolyn: He spent the whole night out.

Douglas: First he tried to teach them how to howl jingle bells. Then they either played snow-cone shop, or possibly, tried building an igloo. Hard to tell by the frozen ruins, really. When he got tired and fell asleep, the dogs curled around him and kept him warm. Couldn´t have been more Christmasy.

Herc: And Martin?

Douglas: Martin shared a room with Arthur, and when Arthur wasn´t coming back, he started to worry. Decided to look for him -

Carolyn: - promptly got lost and spend the rest of the night wondering around in the snow. So he´s now sleeping and defrosting in the cabin - and also eminently qualified to play Robert Falcon Scott, if ever the need arises.

Herc: I see. And what did you do, Douglas?

Douglas: I slept soundly in the single room Carolyn so generously provided in the cheapest dump in Rovaniemi.

Carolyn: Oh, I won´t make that mistake again. Consider that your end-of-the-year bonus.

Douglas: No more dumps?

Carolyn: No more single rooms.

Douglas: But I found Martin.

Carolyn: After you had your breakfast.

Douglas: Please don´t remind me.

Herc: Not enough grease-soaked animal protein?

Douglas: Many strange and miraculous things have happened on MJN flights, but this was the first time somebody confused me with a husky.

Arthur: _(entering the flight-deck)_ Wow, Douglas. Did they serve you the dog soup? It is supposed to be really yummy. And nutritious. 

Carolyn: You did not find Martin, you stumbled upon him. Completely by accident.

Douglas: Actually, I made a thorough search of the premises.

Herc: Looking for Martin?

Douglas: No, for the manager, to complain about the breakfast. _(a beat)_ Why do I feel Carolyn is going to draw an entirely wrong conclusion from this sad affair?

Herc: Well, you´ve known her longer than me.

Douglas: Yes. Lucky you.

Herc: Seriously, the fact that you have met Carolyn earlier than me is the only thing I´ll ever envy you.

Carolyn: Arthur, your cue for the retching sound.

Arthur: Brilliant, I love that game.

Douglas: Even if you had met her earlier, she wouldn´t have shown on your radar. Seeing as you were busy cradle-snatching.

Herc: Well, now that I´m no longer foolish, just young, I can enjoy my good fortune.

Douglas: _(sotto voce)_ Young? Delusional, more like.

Herc: _(to Carolyn)_ Happy New Year, my sweet queen.

Douglas/Carolyn/Arthur: _(retching sounds)_


End file.
